SIMPLE DOESN’T MEAN UNPLANNED

BY AMY PIPHER

“We’re keeping it simple.”

I understand the appeal. Not every wedding or event needs more—more details, more decisions, more moving pieces. Sometimes keeping things simple is exactly the right choice.

But simple and unplanned are not the same thing.

I was reminded of that while planning my mom’s wedding. She’s a wedding planner herself, so she had most of the details handled. And because this wasn’t either of their first marriages, they wanted to keep the celebration simple. My mom felt no need to over engineer the day.

Then I arrived and started asking questions.

How would the ceremony actually flow? How would she walk in? What music would play? What about the exit? How would the room be set up?

These questions weren’t about adding more to the wedding. They brought a few details into focus that were worth thinking through—and the answers would shape how the wedding actually worked.

SIMPLE STILL DESERVES ATTENTION

Once my mom and I started talking through those details, we filled in the gaps. I ran the rehearsal the night before, worked through the ceremony flow, and we chose music for her entrance and exit.

We landed on “Can’t Help Falling in Love” from the Crazy Rich Asians soundtrack for the entrance. She hadn’t planned to walk in to any music at all, and when I first asked what she wanted, she didn’t know where to start. So we talked about the tempo she wanted to walk to and the kind of song she wanted to hear, and I started playing options. As soon as she heard “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” her response was immediate: “This is it.” 

It surprised her that we found something so quickly that felt so right for her, for them, and their story. The song gave her an entrance moment she didn’t expect to mean so much—and, as it turned out, helped drown out the raging storm and 80 mph winds outside the tent. She still talks about it today.

That’s part of what makes these details worth thinking through. A song can seem like one small decision on a long list until it becomes the song you remember walking into your wedding to. In the moment, you’re choosing music. Years later, you’re remembering how that moment felt.

None of this made the wedding more complicated. We gave the details that mattered the thought to make sure they worked.

That’s an important distinction for me.

Good planning isn’t about looking for more things to add. Sometimes the best thing a planner can do is ask the questions no one has asked yet, identify the event planning details that actually need attention, and focus the planning around what will shape the experience.

THE RIGHT QUESTION ISN'T "WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED?"

When I’m planning, I’m not looking for reasons to add things because they’re expected, because someone else did them, or because Pinterest says you need them.

I’m trying to understand the building blocks of the experience.

What matters here? What has already been decided? What assumptions are we making? And what could affect how those decisions actually work?

I’ve learned to ask similar questions in different ways because people can hear the same question and interpret it completely differently. What one person considers “handled” might not be what someone else has in mind.

Asking the extra question isn’t about making the process harder. Sometimes it reveals something we haven’t considered yet: an assumption we’re making, a responsibility that hasn’t been assigned, or a detail that works in theory but hasn’t been thought through in practice. Identifying those considerations during planning gives us time to address them, rather than discovering a problem when the event is in motion.

And sometimes the questions reveal that the idea itself isn’t the issue. The assumptions we’ve made about the execution are what need a closer look.

MAKE THE IDEA WORK

I saw this firsthand while officiating Abel and Cory’s wedding.

They wanted their corgi puppy, Lulu, to be part of the ceremony. The plan was for someone to bring her to the aisle and then let her run down to them. At home, Lulu ran to Abel and Cory all the time.

But home didn’t have an aisle full of wedding guests. There would be people Lulu knew, people she didn’t, and plenty of distractions competing for her attention. She could stop to greet someone, wander in another direction, or decide that running straight to Abel and Cory wasn’t nearly as interesting as everything happening around her.

By raising these questions, I wasn’t trying to talk Abel and Cory out of having Lulu in their ceremony. I wanted to figure out what needed to be true for the idea to work. Who would bring her to the aisle? Who would guide her if she didn’t run straight to them? Where would she go once she reached the front? Who would stay with her during the ceremony? And who would be responsible for her afterward?

The night before the wedding, we identified one person who could own all things Lulu. He guided her down the aisle, stayed with her during the ceremony, brought her to cocktail hour so everyone could see her, and then took her home.

Lulu still got her moment.

The idea didn’t need to change. The execution did.

That’s often what planning looks like to me. My job isn’t to talk you out of the things that matter to you. It’s to understand what you want to happen, ask the questions that test the assumptions behind the idea, and think through what needs to be in place to make it work.

Lulu didn’t need to come out of the plan because there were things that could go wrong. We needed to plan for those possibilities so Abel and Cory could still have the moment they wanted.

THE TAKEAWAY

Simple isn’t the starting point. It’s the result of making thoughtful decisions about what matters, what needs attention, and what will make the experience work.

That doesn’t mean every detail deserves the same amount of time or energy. Some decisions can stay simple. Others deserve another question, a closer look, or a plan behind the plan because of what those choices will mean to the people experiencing them.

That’s the distinction I’ve learned to make when I’m planning weddings and events. The goal isn’t to add more. It’s to put the thought into what matters so the people experiencing it can be present and enjoy what’s happening without having to think about everything that makes the moment possible.